He's too big!!

I mentioned below a canoe trip during our Ozark vacation. We rented a canoe with the plan to travel down the Buffalo River, just Doug, myself and Mary and William. We prepared them mentally for life jackets and oars and rapids and NEVER standing up in a canoe. On the windy drive to park our car at the exit point Mary and William eagerly asked questions about the boat and whether it would tip, promising never to stand up in the boat. Mary then volunteered that perhaps we should get two canoes. She would ride with Mommy and William could ride with Daddy because Daddy is just too big to ride in the boat with all of us and she doesn't want him to sink the boat. We got a chuckle and assured her that the boat was plenty big to hold us all.

We parked our car and boarded the bus that would take us to the starting point. The issue had clearly been settled and the kids were excited to see all those canoes resting at the edge of the water. We put them in life jackets and chose a canoe with 2 seats, front and rear. The kids sat on the floor of the boat between the seats and used a cross beam as a handle. I sat in the front and Doug shoved us away from the shore before hopping in. Naturally, with his first attempt to board there was a bit of rocking of our tiny vessel. He stood upright again in the water to set us right before trying again, but it was too late. We had taken on a bit of water, nothing worrisome, but enough to soak the preschool bottoms resting on the floor of the boat. As if the splashing wasn't enough commotion to attract the attention of our fellow canoers, Mary began to scream in terror, "Daddy, get out of the boat! You're too big!!". William joined her in wailing with fright. At this, some others approached to help steady the boat for a second try. Mary began shouting to them "He's too big!! He's too big for the boat!!" Before help had arrived Doug was already in the boat and we were drifting peacefully down river. Mary and William were anything but peaceful though. They sat with their eyes wide open and their hands gripping the cross beam for life, certain that they were moments away from an untimely death at the bottom of a winding river. Doug and I worked out the mechanics of paddling and avoiding other canoes. Less than 5 minutes in, William said, "My fingers hurt." I couldn't imagine why until I turned around to see his little snow-capped knuckles gripping to his last hope of staying alive.

The whole experience was rather uneventful except for the start and the kids eventually loosened up enough to enjoy the scenery and wildlife. We spent about an hour being swept swiftly down the river by the high water. It was enjoyable to us and the kids did decide that seeing the fish and turtles was worth some of the terror. We found it quite funny what a 3 and 4 year old can come up with. I doubt it would have been quite so funny had Doug not just shed 85 pounds of extra weight over the previous year, but I can hardly imagine Mary was referring to any excess around his middle. {As an aside: In Mary’s 4 year old mind, size and age are of a direct correlation. At the sight of an overweight person who otherwise looked like a particularly thin friend of ours, Mary commented on the resemblance. To be honest, only she saw it and we asked her if she noticed any differences in their appearances. She replied that the stranger had longer hair (which we also noticed was a completely different color) and that the man must be older than [our friend] because he is bigger. It’s as simple as that...the older you are, the bigger you get. Thankfully, Mary did not pick up on the fact that Mommy is 2 years older than Daddy or I most certainly would not have thought this story was as funny as I do and it would be the last thing I’d post about on our blog.} But, I digress…

The simple fact is that Mary’s sees her daddy as a big, strong hero. Nevertheless, people of such stature should not be in a canoe with three other people, regardless of strength, lest we all die a terrible, watery death. I doubt I will ever forget the sound of her voice, as though she were warning us all of our impending doom. “He’s too big for the boat!!”